I went to bed last night thinking I was going to be rich.

Mega Millions Lottery Jackpot Rises To $550 Million
Joe Raedle, Getty Images

I normally don't play the lottery. The jackpot has to be worth all the headaches that uber cash will be bringing. That means my take home after taxes has to be over a $100 million. I'll put up with some big crap piles for a $100 million.

I woke up Wednesday, flipped on the T.V. and the first thing I see is a ticker on the bottom of the screen saying that there was no winner Tuesday night in the Mega Millions Jackpot. Damn! Another hump day, another loser.

Of course that means the jackpot went up, so now it's worth $548 million dollars. So, yes I'll have to try again on Friday.

I've read that most lottery winners go broke within two years of winning. If I spend over $200 million in two years, that means I'm going to get married to some stripper with a Corvette and Cocaine habit. Could be fun.

The secret is to put $10 million in the checking account to buy a house or two, retire the parents, send the nieces to college, then get a kick-ass satellite package and live off the interest of rest of the $300 million. Also, could be fun.

People say the lottery is a sucker bet. Sure it is. But while 20 million of us will wake up with the word "sucker" tattooed on our forehead for playing, one person will wake up a fat ass millionaire off a $2 dollar investment. I got $2 dollars to play those odds. I'll see the rest of you "suckers" at the choke & puke store in line on Friday.


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