If you find a woman who loves to shove your balls in her mouth, then that's the one you marry.

What American male doesn't want to hear great compliments about his balls during the holiday season.

"You have some beautiful balls."

"Wow! Your balls are bigger than I expected."

"Wow! I can't wait to get my mouth around these balls."

Sure, we've all seen the SNL bit. Hell! I watch it every Christmas. Well, now you can make your own Schweddy Balls, and you don't even have to go to the gym first.

It's amazing what you can find on the internet once you stop looking at porn.


  • 1 1/2 pounds ground beef grass fed if available
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 cup fresh parsley minced
  • 1/2 cup bread crumbs
  • 1 very small onion or 1/2 large, diced


  • 1 cup homemade cranberry sauce
  • 1/2 cup chili sauce
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons lemon juice


  1. To make the meatballs, preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In a medium sized bowl, combine ground beef, egg, parsley, bread crumbs, and diced onion. Use hands to mix until all ingredients are well combined, but try not to over mix. For balls into bite sized balls, about the size of a large walnut, and evenly space on a baking sheet. Bake in preheated oven 25-30 minutes or until nicely browned on top. If making ahead, store in refrigerator in airtight container until ready to serve.
  2. To serve as an awesome appetizer, combine cranberry sauce, chili sauce, and lemon juice in a slow cooker. Add meatballs and toss to coat. Turn to low until heated through, then reduce heat to warm to keep warm throughout the night. Recipe easily doubles or triples if you're serving a crowd.

You can also just buy a bag of meatballs. Season with garlic powder and Mrs Dash Chipotle seasoning, and serve in a big serving of angel hair pasta.

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